If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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