Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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