Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
