put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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