Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
this boner is exhausting
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
