is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
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my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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