dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
