yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
