Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
