Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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