Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
