I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
