hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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