I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
