But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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