i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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