I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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