Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
