Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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