9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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