Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
