I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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