you guys were way drunker than both of me
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
