fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
