in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
