remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
