she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
