He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize