i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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