How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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