If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
