We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
It's Friday. Sex?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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