And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
