My girlfriend figured out who you are.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize