You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
