I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
