One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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