I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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