I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
