I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize