dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
