Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Rumble strips road head = magical
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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