It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize