While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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