i'm signing you up for texting rehab
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
a search helicopter?!
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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