just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
