Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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