One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
