We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
