I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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