I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
