so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
