dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
no you cant smoke seaweed
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
