he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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