As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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