his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
