Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
