I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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