This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
