you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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