hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
