its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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