This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
