My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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