Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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