I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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