census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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