My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
