You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
