my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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