I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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