My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
