I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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