ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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