I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
