honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
