I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
as a side note pls kill me
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
